Last year, as the clock struck midnight, I rang in the New Year on the deck of the Norwegian Jade, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by a cast of friends that had been total strangers just 4 months prior.
So much has changed since then. After completing my dream job, I got back to the states, hit the ground running, auditioning like crazy. I got a callback for Hamilton. My boyfriend and I traveled, I vowed to make all my income off of gigs alone…I had a lot of really great ideas about how life should and was going to be.
Some pretty fantastic things did happen in 2017. I had my face on billboards and two magazine covers. I got a callback for my (next) dream job not once but twice. I am learning to celebrate these things, and own these things.
I’m learning to be my own best friend and number one fan, but to be honest it’s incredibly hard for me and always has been. I’ve always suffered from the “not good enough” syndrome. Instead of celebrating and reveling in the achievement of a goal or milestone, I’m immediately looking to see what’s next. I’m telling myself “it’s about damn time”, instead of “I’m so proud of you.” I spend too much time comparing myself to others. I let other people’s success translate into ‘my failure’.
My resolutions this year are to be accountable, to accept where I am in my career and life, to analyze why I am there, and to take physical, tangible steps towards improving my situation. Every day. To be honest with myself when I feel disappointed or defeated. To treat my career and my personal well-being like that of a friends. To let go of all the “should have’s”…should have moved to LA…should have booked this…should have done that. To recognize that all of those “should have’s” are just my insecurities manifesting themselves, and me thinking that someone else’s timeline or path is somehow the ideal. It’s not.
I am me. My journey is mine and no one else’s. I struggle like everyone else, I hurt, I’m hard on myself…but I’ve also done some incredible things…and I have so many incredible things ahead.
AND SO DO YOU!
What are your resolutions? What do you want to leave behind in 2017?
Let me know in the comments. Cheers everyone! XO, Katie